Life has been going so quickly these past few days. I feel like I have hardly had time to breath! As I begin my quest to be a more "well rounded" teenager and participate in more normal "teenager" things I find myself stepping more and more out of my comfort zone. People often make the mistake of believing I am brave. The truth is, I am not brave. I am only strong. And that strength does not come from me, but from my Father in Heaven.
Next week a few big things in my life, as of now, will be taking place. I will be going through the election process for Student Body President, taking my final in Health Professions which will determine if I will be able to proceed into the year two programs, my program of choice being CNA, and lastly ending the week with my very first shot at the ACT. I will also begin meeting for Jr. Miss. I never thought I would be a pageant girl! But then again I never thought I would be the President of a 501c3 at age 16 either. It simply provides me with even more proof to the fact that God has so much greater, grander plans then I have for myself, and that He truly does have a sense of humor.
All of these things are requiring that strength that He always seems so willing to give. Although I have given speeches, and presentations in front of crowds lager then 100, talked to news reporters, and journalists, my fear of speaking never seems to fade. Not only will I be speaking to the entire student body of Century High School, but also the staff, and an interview committee for the current student council. Public speaking is such a silly thing to get worked up about. The people sitting before you are simply people. Just like you. But in the moment that thought is rarely comforting! No, I find comfort in the same place I find the strength to do these things. I think that really, they are one in the same, strength and peace. When God grants me the strength to do something, along with that strength comes peace. He says to me "My child, do not fear these things. I am with you. I am here. I am."
On the student council forms it explains that student council officers must uphold a good reputation, no only in school, but in every aspect of life. It says "you will be living in a fish bowl and others will be watching you constantly." Sometimes I feel like I am already living in a fish bowl. God has given me a great responsibility. He has trusted me to be an older sister, a friend, a mentor, and a leader. I am so honored by Him. Sometimes living in that fish bowl can be stressful. I know that others are watching every move I make. They are listening to every word I say. They are judging me by those things. When I have people tell me I am their role model I have to laugh. Me? A role model? But you don't understand! I am to young to be a role model. I haven't really done anything important enough in life to be a role model.
I was caught off guard today when talking to one of my teachers about my grade in her class. I have an 88.6% which sadly is a solid B. I asked if there was any way I could raise my grade to an A, even if it was a low A. Our grades in that class will be sent out to the instructors of the CNA program I am hoping to get into. So having an A is kind of important!
"Ariane, don't worry about your grade," she said.
I waited in confusion. Did I really just hear my teacher say to not worry about my grade? Seeing the questioning on my face she proceeded saying,
"You are a wonderful student. I know where your heart is and I have written you a great recommendation for the program director, probably the highest recommendation I have ever written a student. You inspire me and make me want to be a better person. So don't worry about your grade. I am sure you are working hard to study for your exam next week and while that does not count towards this grade I know that with my recommendation, and the other things involved in the selection process, the director will be able to judge you for herself, the ending result being a good one."
There I was in a fish bowl and I didn't even know it. I was at a loss for words.
"Thank you very much. I really appreciate it," was all that seemed to come to my mind.
"It isn't something you can thank me for. It's simply who you are," was her only response.
I am in a fish bowl. But as Gods chosen people we all are. Others will constantly be looking at us because we have been called to shine the light of God in this dark world. I pray that God will continue to provide me with the strength to overcome my fears while I push forward in my quest for teenage normal-ness. I pray that He will remind all of us that when we are living in a fish bowl, particularly a fish bowl for Him, life will be difficult, but life will be good. Because HE is good.
2 Corinthians 2:14-15
"But thanks be to God, who always leads us in His triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place. For we are a fragrance of Christ to God among those who are being saved and those who are perishing."
